I'm in hospital for nye not that i would really do anything for it anyway but i just feel that this has been the absolute worst year of my life.

~TRIGGER WARNING~

i've tried to end my life three times this year. I've self harmed, lost best friends, isolated, become debilitatingly (a word?) depressed. I've lost the ability to go out and do normal things. I've been restrained by police after a suicide attempt and carted off to two hospital visits. I have seen endless psychologists, mental health workers, psychiatrists. I have fallen into a gigantic dark hole and it is consuming me.
And now at the end of the year when im supposed to be enjoying myself... This is happening. Christmas was ruined. My birthday was awful. I lost my relationship with half my family after disclosing CSA and was accused of being a psychotic, pathological liar. I just have no idea how i am going to carry on.