PondLife, it sounds to me like you are taking all the correct steps. And like Hooligan said, we aren't given manuals. We do the best we know how. I like the quote by Maya Angelou "When you know better, you do better." It looks like you are already doing that. And it sounds like the therapist is on to something. Keep up the good work.

As far as your 16 year old goes, you may be surprised and find out you didn't do such a bad job. My dad made lots of mistakes, which set in motion a lot of misunderstanding, like I didn't think he loved me. I made a lot of mistakes based on my belief I wasn't lovable, but I realized that he did the best he knew how. He didn't intentionally hurt me. And I loved him very much. Children can be very forgiving, but you have to forgive yourself, too.