Everyone is going to be celebrating, going out, and spending New Years Eve with their friends and loved ones. I'm going to be finding myself alone not doing anything with anyone and staying home. It's starting to finally sink in even worse than I can imagine...This is one of the most happiest and enjoyable moments for most people but I hate it right now. It has gotten me to thinking...I don't want a new year. I don't want to live a new year. Why do I even have to put myself through all of this when I could just no longer have to deal with any of it with "one fell swoop". This is going to be maybe of the worse triggers I'm going to have as of late....Maybe tonight will be a deciding factor for me...