I am sorry that you had to cancel your appt with t and that you are feeling so crappy. this night used to be the worse night of the year for me, was always planning my death but I have finally let go of that over the last few years. I was supposed to go out with a friend tonight and watch the fireworks but I was too anxious and had to cancel. plus I haven't been feeling too well myself, really bad headache today. so I will probably sleep thru the new year. so hopefully you can get some rest and not get too caught up in your negative thoughts. maybe go into a chat room and celebrate the new year with others so you are not alone. take care.