<font color="#000088"> I've made it almost 7 years without cutting,because it scared my Dad.The second to the last time I cut,I almost died,and they notified next of kin,my Dad! But somehow I pulled through with the blood tranfusion,and I had to learn how to walk again,but I survived.It scared my Dad so much,that I'd never heard him cry before that.So I slipped once after that,but my Dad begged me to stop in tears,and because of how much I love him,I stopped.But he Died in October of 2005,so my excuse for not cutting died with him.The urges never went away,I just faught them for my Dad.Now that he's gone those urges are even stronger trying to deal with his death,and the many friends that died right behind him,plus another family member.Plus the news of me having a terminal illness,and my family constantly riding my ***,about having evidence to put my brother and my Mom behind bars,over my childhood abuse.I have so many reasons to do it,but I'm trying so hard not to,because I love my Puppy Nico,and I don't want to abandon him.But it's so hard when around each corner I keep getting hit with something else going wrong.Either healthwise,or someone else dies! I don't know how much longer I can hold on in Utah,when I can't be around my family,they are toxic,and very abusive towards me.I really need to get back to California,where I can be happier,and by the beach that calms me! </font>