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spal said:
How to stop feeling guilty! Any suggestions?

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According to many therapists I have had and books read, emotions follow thoughts. So, talk to yourself about the guilt. Remind yourself that you do not have to feel guilty, that your time, energy, and feelings are every bit as important as other peoples' needs, and hopefully, one day you will find you are not guilty anymore.

For me, this kind of change can take a very long time. For example, I was trained by mother to respond to the world with a negative, critical thought about everything. I worked with the minister's wife in my church to change these thoughts. Each time I had such a negative first impression, I would ask the thought, "Who are your parents?" and replace it with a positive. One day, I saw a couple getting out of a car. My first thought was how much in love they were, and I smiled.

I was so delighted that my first thought was positive, especially because this was a most average couple. The man was a bit stout; there was nothing special or remarkable about them, except that they clearly loved each other -- not in a gooey, public display kind of way -- just with respect and kindness toward each other. It took me at least 6 to 8 months to coax the positive first impression from myself!

So that's what worked for me. Perhaps there will be less work-intensive solution here.

Good luck with this, Spal.