Quote:
Originally Posted by scorpiosis37
You seem to have a very warped (stereotypical, homophobic) understanding of who gay people are and how gay people behave. While there are SOME gay people who no doubt fall into those categories, the vast majority do not. The vast majority of gay men are not running around having one night stands with the first other gay man they meet. Perhaps if all you do is hang out at gay bars at 2am, that is who you will run into-- but that is because the vast majority of gay men are at home, asleep, at 2am and not out for you to observe! Your descriptions of gay men are full of anger, distaste, and homophobia. Perhaps you are turning off other members of the gay community because it is evident to them that you have these hateful opinions about them. No one wants to be judged, hated, and shamed by someone they have just met--- another gay men no less who should be an ally. Your perception here is simply out of line with reality. I'm a lesbian and my best friend is a gay man and neither of us have experienced the kind of gay world you describe. I'm not a "stereotypical" lesbian-- and, quite frankly, most are not. My best friend met his current partner on a gaming website and I met mine on a dating website. What do we enjoy doing together? Going out to dinner, listening to live music, shopping, and spending time with friends and colleagues. We both have PhDs, we do not have one night stands, and we do not enjoy bars. That's why we went online-- because it's hard to identify gay people by sight-- so dating online makes identifying potential partners with similar interests much easier! The vast majority of people do not want to randomly hookup within five minutes of meeting-- that simply isn't the case. If you can channel down the self-hatred and homophobia, and approach meeting new people with an open mind and a positive attitude, you might be really surprised by the lovely people you will meet. Your problem seems to have so little to do with being gay, and so much to do with self-hatred, homophobia, and a negative attitude. The venom and hostility WILL turn people off--not because you are gay but because you seem to dislike others and yourself. People want to be around others who make them feel good.
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Actually, I haven't been to a gay bar or any gay venue in years. As soon as I walk in, I feel sad in those places. I don't relate to any of the people. They are smiling and drinking and I don't understand what there is to be happy about. As an epileptic, I cannot drink alcohol and avoid light shows of all kinds.
Most recently, I tried to explore spirituality but did not make friends in churches with LGBT members. In one church, no one would even speak with me and that was in the LGBT meetings. In the other, I was hit on by people who I did not find attractive and whose behavior was very pushy. I did not appreciate the pressure; they were just seeking sex. I was struggling with religion anyway. The more I relearned it, the more I found it impossible to believe. So, I gave up religion after trying several different ones and several churches of the faith in which I was raised. Praying didn't help. I did not feel loved by god. I was not getting my needs met.
The friends I was able to make in the community were always nerdy. I guess I am too. But, I was not attracted to the nerds and only wanted friendships and those never lasted.
I tried a 12-step program for people who had trouble with interpersonal relationships. After a while, I found that a lot of people were playing around sexually with each other. No one ever expressed interest in me. I attended weekly for over a year. Several friends I had made gave up program and turned to fundamentalist Christianity. I hear that at least one is now married. I am too spiritually damaged to accept religion and did not follow their path. The rest of the members exiled me after I complained about one of the members touching me inappropriately several times on the street. They did not find anything wrong with this behavior.
My current T is encouraging me to go to bars, especially in the bear community. I've researched some of their websites but several are much too hardcore for me. And, again, I don't drink and feel like I'm missing the party in bars.
Because of blood sugar issues, I get a lot of urinary tract infections from oral sex and avoid **** sex because I get yeast infections. It seems my body is just not able to handle gay sex. I've been abstaining for years. I'm not good at it and don't enjoy it anyway. Emotionally, I do not like one-night stands and dislike sleeping with people who I don't know. People in the community find this weird. I recently met someone from a dating site who lectured me that I had to sleep with people when meeting them because that is how gay men bond with each other. I refused to sleep with him on the first date and never heard from him again. I amended my listing after that meeting to indicate that I wanted friends and was not looking for immediate sex. No one has responded.
I cannot say that I haven't tried. Being gay just makes me sad.