Hey, unguy. I'm a woman, but I know a few gay men and from what I've seen and what they've said, you're not wrong. The gay community can be very pushy and sexually predatory. To be honest though, so can the straight community if you're a female. Can I suggest that you approach your sexuality as a gay male in the same way an attractive straight woman has to approach relationships: with caution and with firm boundaries.

If you don't want to go to bars, don't go to bars. If your therapist says you should, tell your therapist to go with you. (That would be one heck of a therapy session!)

I think your experience of being lonely and frustrated is echoed in many sexual paradigms. There are many, many straight men unable to find female partners for instance, and many of them probably think it would be easier if they were gay because if they were gay then at least they could easily have sex.

Being a straight man is not easy. Women are extremely picky both out of necessity and as a result of wide mate selection. It is more socially acceptable than being gay, but I tell you now, a single man of a certain age who doesn't have a mate and who isn't George Clooney is regarded with almost as much suspicion as a gay male might be.

Long story short, you have to follow what you love and find the people you like and leave the sex and the gay community stuff for other people. You keep harping on the 'gay community' issue as if it is mandatory. It's not. You can run screaming from rainbow flags for the rest of your life if you like. You can abstain from gay sex if you like.

A lot of your problem seems to arise from focusing on optional things as if they were mandatory. It's like you're in a cage, but the door is open, but you're facing the back of it and shaking the bars. Just turn around and walk out. Sex is optional. Gay community participation is optional. Everything is optional.