How do you approach evaluating a job situation as to whether or not it is working out for you or if you need to do something different, is it worth it?
Many know this is my first time back to work in a long time. It is not, however, going as well as had hoped in the day to day scheme of things as I am struggling. My pdoc increased my meds to help with the depression that has set and does not help that have contracted pneumonia so that am feeling under the weather for some time, might be clouding my judgment too.
I am 5 mos in but they have already done my 6 mos probationary review, offering me to stay on full time permanently. So in that it is going well that they are pleased with what I am doing and some the people, including two of the supervisors, are very supportive a students.
What is not going well is the struggle. I come home to bed every day, emotionally and physically exhausted still, every day for the last 5 mos. I have no life outside of work because it drains it out of me. I cannot get anything else done of day to day things and it bothers me a lot that so many things are piling up, not able to take care of things or myself, appointments, family, etc.
Then there is that they are SO disorganized; no updated policies to refer to because of a recent takeover of the organization; ask a different person, get a different answer; a hostile environment as the employees bicker over them as they have no clue as to what's going on, no direction, then I get caught in the middle with no idea what I SHOULD be doing, correctly; plus they/we are held accountable for some ideal no one knows.
The other problem is that I am only partially trained, one part of one department, 4 more to go. SO though I have time on my resume, I am still considered a student in the experience standpoint to go elsewhere yet as I found out when I tried to go somewhere I interviewed initially, they are wondering what is wrong with me now that I am not trained but it is an organizational thing, definitely not me, have even asked. I was told yesterday, it took some of their newer hires a year to get through 2-3 departments, which is normal.
Which is good on one hand to make sure people are fully trained and experienced before let loose, but really over a year?
Then there is I have now used 5 of my 9 trial work period months for SSDI, which is what scares me the most. I hate to lose it; it was so hard to get it but I also know the income from the job is so much more and more comfortable living standard, especially to pay off medical debts previously and student loans. It is terrifying me to think might not have this to fall back on.
My T, who I can only get into see about 1 month now due to work and fatigue, says I need to to work more on committing myself to the job and not second guessing the system. There are going to be issues everywhere. They are paying me and benefits meanwhile. Just do what I need to, was her advice. I am grateful for the income and benefits, TRULY, but concerned, perhaps I really just cannot handle this.
I stayed in a job previously that almost killed me due to verbal abuse, so I do not have the best judgment, being optimistic and trying to make it work for the money and benefits. I don't trust myself.
So that is why I ask, how do you go about approaching/ evaluating a job situation as to whether or not it is working out for you or if you need to do something different? Or is this just a luxury I should not even be considering, take T's advice, find a way to make it work, no matter the cost?
Any thoughts or encouraging words would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance for patience in reading through this treatise (sorry about that) & your insight, and Happy New Year! Cheers!
