why is it so damn scary?

i have no idea.

ok... confession time... i simply can't ask. simply can't. maybe it is that i don't know how to ask. don't know how to phrase it. i think that is an important part of it.

there is another part to it too. this part is really very strong but as i say it i know it doesn't sound so sensible...

i figure that i shouldn't have to ask. they should notice. i don't exactly mean that they should just magically know. but i do think that if they are perceptive... they should notice that i'm not responding well to what they are saying... and hence they should try and switch strategies and figure it out.

what happened with my therapist is that... well... this is what i think happened at any rate... he figured that i didn't have the ego strength to take his interpretations (whereas i think it was that his interpretations were way off base). he switched strategies to just being empathetic. to saying less even. a little bit of silence... and i'd offer him my interpretation. and when i'd offer it it would be a bit hesitant, like i wasn't sure. then he would maybe try to add to it a little... or mostly he started asking more questions to get me to elaborate on what i'd said... so we kind of are at the point now where he is helping me elaborate what i think is going on.

i think that will help him be able to offer more helpful interpretations.

admittedly that wasn't reached by my going the direct route, however.

we are still figuring out silences. he has said to me that its fine with him if i am silent all session. well... that its fine with him if i'm not - of course - but that i can be silent if i want and that is ok. he is being silent more too. he has said that sometimes he doesn't know what i need. whether i need him to be silent or whether i need him to elaborate. but he is being silent more and that is kind of nice. though i am appreciative sometimes when he does speak.

i think it is really great that you are more direct than me.

an inspiration :-)