Quote:
Originally Posted by CosmicRose
My anxiety disorder began manifesting itself 8 years ago. This is also when a traumatic divorce was occurring with the family. Constant verbal fights on a nightly bases for years that would sometimes turn physical (she was the aggressor, not my father). I couldn't protect myself or those I cared about, I felt shaken and helpless constantly. The stability I felt in the home and the love from my mother was gone. She put her children at risk in multiple ways that I do not wish to go into detail about right now.
I recall many nights being very young (when things were actually still good) and having to be her mother instead of her being my mother. When things were really bad she shut me out completely, ignoring me and causing emotional wounds that took years to heal. She never apologized.
I just read an article about daughters with unloving mothers. It listed several traits that I can relate to.
1. Lack of confidence
2. Lack of trust
3. Difficulty setting boundaries
4. Difficulty seeing the self accurately
5. Making avoidance the default position
6. Being overly sensitive
7. Replicating the mother bond in relationships
I can answer yes to all of these. It also seems like all the symptoms of my anxiety disorder when it manifests itself. Avoidance. No confidence. Lack of trust. Difficulty seeing the self accurately, these all sound very familiar. This isn't about blame, I'm trying to get to the bottom of why I struggle so much in my life and why it all occurred around the same time.
Is my anxiety disorder really because of the terrible relationship I had with my own mother all those years?
How many of you out there who have anxiety disorder, struggled with a parent who was emotionally unavailable or abusive?
If it is a parental or development issue, is it possible to heal from completely?
I think my anxiety is in essence a learned behavior that I have hidden behind for quite some time now.
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i can't answer for you... is your mother the cause of your anxiety disorder. it could be because of so many things.
but, you've given me food for thought here- you really have.
growing up my mother was the same- she didn't give me a childhood, never spent time with me, and made it quite clear to all her friends/ other family members that i just wasn't worth listening to or good for nothing
she even put me in hospital when i was only 4, and then proceeded to say that none of it was her fault, and that i was just a drama queen
and then later she constantly lied to me so she could get her own way- and wouldn't accept my mental health.
and come to think of it, when ever my mother's out the country, or otherwise not around, i feel better about my anxiety- it is a lot less intense