"I feel so trapped, but if I am selfish enough to leave (I have the means) for my sake, I feel like I will be throwing my kids under the bus." quote JustNeedAnEar

Your taking action is not being selfish. You need to reach out for help so you can "learn" that taking action is in no way being "selfish". What would you tell your children if they were trapped in this situation? The first step to taking action is in reaching out for help so you can learn what to do next and what this scenario is really saying to your children that you are not realizing right now.

I think it was good that you took this step here and are beginning an effort to reach out.