We are celebrating the passing of an old year and the start of a new year. I am a little blah, humbug on this. I always enjoy Christmas but I don't enjoy New Year's as much. I celebrate it like everybody else but I can't get excited about it. 2014 was not a good year for me and I hope 2015 will be better. But I know I have to take steps to improve my life. I am afraid. I am afraid of the unknown. I am somewhat afraid of leaving the hell I work in to jump into what could be a worse situation.

I was very happy over Christmas. I had time off work, I was able to spend time with my children. Now my son has gone back to school 5 hours away. After New Year's we take down the Christmas tree and it's back to reality.

Depression is still there somewhat but it has eased up a little. What bugs me is I still have nightmares. I don't know if that has to do with a little underlying depression or if it is a side effect of my medication.(Wellbutrin and amitriptyline) Usually my nightmares are about messing up something at work.

For all the anxiety I get about work, usually things go okay lately. I can just never keep up with the clerical tasks. For whoever reads this, thanks for listening to me vent.