Quote:
Originally Posted by annoyedgrunt84
I'm just always preoccupied with how meaningless life feels to me. I mean I just can't stop asking myself "What's the point?" Everything sounds so intolerably boring to me, even things I used to like, even love doing. I need to get back into therapy I know, but I'm so self conscious about it especially when my parents are around. They don't really "believe", for lack of a better term, in the concept of mental illness and I really think they feel like going to therapy is an admission of failure in some way. I have had two major failures in the past 5 years and they have really had a terrible affect on me. I failed at my first real job and decided to take the "You can't fire me I quit" approach. I think it was very soon after that I gave up on my dreams. After a couple years I tried going back to grad school and writing my MS thesis, but since I had basically given up on my dream of being a professor it was a nightmare. I failed my thesis defense back in April and have let the deadline to try again fly right on by. I was making the edits they wanted but my e-mail exchanges with them were less than encouraging, they seemed underwhelmed by the new data I was trying to incorporate into my thesis so... I just quit trying. I have given up, but I want to "ungiveup", if that makes any sense. I'm just rambling now so I'll shut up.
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Hi annoyedgrunt84,
You sound so much like me, it made me smile a little. Just this morning I asked my father "what's the meaning of life?" and countless times I just ask myself in between tasks "why am I doing this?", "what's the point and what is my end goal?. I never used to be that way though. Like you said, I just "gave up" and one day, all of a sudden everything I did seemed to have its meaning taken away from it. You're not rambling, I want to "ungiveup" too. Similarly my family do not "believe in the concept of mental illness" either so I know lonely and frustrating It can get. Therapy or any form of treatment was not encouraged by my family growing up as I get the feeling they think of it as a little pitty party meeting to create excuses for yourself. I think you should remember that your parents beliefs are not your own and so you can seek treatment and live by
your beliefs and whatever helps you cope. The "failures" as you put them don't define you their just a part of your journey to where you want to go. You can choose to see them as failures and they may feel like failures, hec society may see them as failures but are they really? Define your own success. Education is a tough one, I'm in university so I know how "deadlines" and critical feedback can really intensify depression and lack of motivation. My advice? Keep trying, It sounds like pretty poor advice, but do all that you do for you. The pace, the journey, the struggle, I don't think It really matters as long as you're happy at the end of it.
Sorry about the length and I'm even more sorry if this was not helpful at all but I wish you the best of luck
