this is my very first post here.

but I know EXACTLY how you feel. I feel the same way. It could've been me typing that message. I've not been diagnosed with a mental illness but have struggled my entire life with abandonment issues and depression. I am debating about whether it's time for me to be medicated as well.

Hold your head up, and you won't drown.
Things always get better, it's just hard to see it when you're where we are right now.