Maybe I could write to old Pdoc. I can't see him again, he now works in an addictions treatment facility and I'm not addicted to anything - not that I haven't tried. But maybe if I didn't ask anything of him I could write just once and tell my story. It would help immensely but I feel like that would be kind of a rotten thing to do to him. He could go on in blissful ignorance and not have to feel bad for me but if I dump on him and he can't do anything about it - well, I just don't know if that would be the right thing to do, even though it would be helpful to me just to communicate. He does really care about me, I know, but he is also very professional and I wouldn't ask for any contact. He wouldn't even have to respond to my letter, however I know he'd be worried and I don't know if I should proceed. Today was the first day in a long, long while I didn't wake up crying and it was because I had the kernel of an idea that maybe I could at least write to him once, and I didn't feel so hopeless and alone.
It's interesting to hear your experience on wellbutrin, Janedough. I think it may be more common than we think because I've seen threads come up before about aggression and wellbutrin. I wish I (or someone) could have figured it out earlier. I lost 3 months and 3 days to rage.