Don't be fooled by the major depression episode only being a one time thing. I have no clue why a professional would tell a patient that. It gives the impression that once you feel better you don't need meds anymore. Happened to a loved one of mine and literally within 2 months they were right back to where they started before meds. Please be careful with that theory.

I feel the same way, life isn't so unicorns pissing glitter. I'm lonely, my anxiety is back and frankly I'm bored lots with nothing to look forward to.

The alternative? Being drunk and relaxed...nice. Spending money that I'm enjoying having, sucks. Playing Russian roullete with the whole am I going do something dumb and shameful tonight, sucks. Increase my chances of alcohol induced depression, sucks big time...you see where I'm going here.

You said you feel like they tell you your thinking is wrong. I'm thinking its constructive critisism tbh. People who need therapy and believe their thought processes are perfectly fine doesn't really make too much sense to me. You either want the help or you don't. Idk it's possible I'm not grasping what you are saying and I apologize if I'm not.

So I'm at a cross road now. To drink or not to drink. While actively being a drunk I wanted to be sober, be content with being sober. I have the sober part down now I need to feel content. Through therapy this has to happen for me as I huge dislike for the AA solution. As in I refuse to go to meetings but I am open to the 12-step program. After all it does pertain to me and my own time.

Are you working the steps?