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Well, what has your sibling actually said to your mom?
Personally, I would believe that your mom should be prioritizing the funeral to support your dad. But the birthday party staying on is fine, and it's ok for your siblings to not attend the funeral if they weren't very close with your aunt and live quite a ways away.
I'm not sure why your mom would call you selfish for wanting to support your father on a one-time thing as opposed to a birthday party, which quite frankly, is something for kids and the adults there aren't really all that participatory.
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