I greatly struggle with my fear of abandonment. Like you, just because my T proved one day that she won't abandon me, doesn't mean the next day she won't. And yes, I have begged her to stay. I have asked her to promise me she won't leave. She used to respond that she's not going anywhere because she likes our city and her job. That wasn't a good enough answer for me. Just because she's not going to leave our city or career, doesn't mean she won't leave me. Now when I ask, she promises.
I do panic when she leaves for vacation or has to miss a session. I fear something happening to her, or that she enjoys her time away from me that she terminates me when she gets back. I also fear she will forget about me and will double book.
My T has me keep a written list of all the ways she has showed me she cares. Every time I worry, I look at the list and remind myself that she really does care about me. And anytime I need it, I can ask her for reassurance.
There's another thread that talks about transitional objects. Maybe you can ask your T for one. Or ask to borrow something of hers when she goes on leave.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teddy:)
Have you ever been so scared of your therapist leaving you that you have begged them to stay?
Do your thoughts play havoc when they do go away and you fear that they will never return and they are just going to leave you?
I am struggling so bad with this at the moment- I feel like a little kid who is throwing a tantrum, it's hard to control. My T says I have to push through it, so i will see that i wont be abandoned but it is so hard. To me there is not time to push through it- it's either now or never. Each day is a new day to be abandoned. What happens today doesn't mean anything tomorrow!
I really just want my T to return so everything can be ok again.
|