Anyone can contact your Therapist, Its not illegal , If your Therapist works on issues that are brought up and the person that called is not on your approved contact list then your Therapist is unethical "unless" a person is suicidal or homicidal

I okay'd that my Therapist could speak with my husband, albeit only if I were in a crisis.

You need to verify with your Pdoc if you did sign anything allowing others to contact your Pdoc? For other reason than "you are suicidal or homicidal"

As far as your feeling the need to fight against every one about the variety of reason, "getting over on you" .. I'm sorry that is a case of picking your battles... I understand your anger , I really do , but you need to find someway .. somehow to not allow yourself to get sucked into the BS.. I know .. easier said than done.

Make a plan .. Check with your Pdoc, If you did in fact allow your wife or whoever to call and know what and how your T is going , you can change that and shut everyone out, Like I said unless you are a threat to yourself or others.

Im so very sorry your in such a terrible position. I hope it eases up.