I text her often and ask "if she is still there". I tell her that I think she will abandon or reject me. I ask for lots of reassurance and she tells me that that is ok. Sometimes I get angry at her and shut down. I tell myself she hates me and I tell her that she hates me. I don't know why I do that but I do. I guess I was probably let down a lot as a child and it is so hard to trust in her words. Fear of abandonment is no joke.