After all the MRIs, scans, etc. I have nothing physically wrong with my brain.
FANTASTIC!

ECT treatments – “Maybe some short term memory loss”
FINE!

Now, where are the last 20+ years of my life?
I don’t remember my oldest son’s graduation.
I don’t remember my own wedding. (Second marriage)
I don’t remember the birth of our youngest son.
I don’t remember his first day of kindergarten.
I don’t remember my oldest son’s wedding.
I don’t remember little league games, bowling tournaments, tours with the Kids Helping Kids singers.
I don’t remember my youngest son’s high school graduation or graduation from nuclear power school.

NOTHING
it’s all gone. Our house is filled with awards, certificates and trophies. NOTHING. I've been through all the photos but they are just flat pieces of paper. NO memories, NO smiles, NO laughter, NO feelings.

I helped support my family - computers, data analysis, marketing…all gone. I have computer software and equipment costing thousands now worthless.

Can’t type without looking at my fingers. After months of practice I still can’t remember where the question mark is or that the exclamation mark is the shift key and number 1.
jr;;p is "hello" without looking.

I use to sew costumes for shows, quilts, dolls and clothes. Now, I can’t even thread a needle (meds make my hands shake). The $2000 sewing machine sits in the corner gathering dust.

“Don’t be concerned with the past.”
“Start building new memories.”
“Think positive”
B___ S___, B___ S___, B___ S___

I’m angry, frustrated, disillusioned, and discouraged.
Your memories influence whom and what you are, how you feel, what you think.
I HAVE NOTHING.

I’m tired and yes, I WANT TO END THIS PAIN.