Trigger csa

Last session with t was a week before Christmas, and ended with me saying something about csa stuff, very little, but completely freaked me out. Handily I did it right at the end of the session, so we couldn't talk about it, which I also made t agree to so I knew if I said something I could just leave.


Now, I have a session next week, after three weeks off. I really want to see t again, but I am dreading it too.

Firstly, because she knows now, and no one else in the whole wide world knows (apart from wanker who did it) and I feel so ashamed I feel panicky just writing this. I just don't know how I can look her in the eye (or her cat) when she (and her cat) know what I did. I just don't know how I can do it.

Secondly, I've had horrible sort of dream stuff about the csa since I told her those three words....I get very panicky and it takes me about an hour til I can breathe properly again. I don't want to talk about it in case I just lose it and panic. But if I don't talk about it, I'm not going to move on. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh.

Help?