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Old Jan 02, 2015, 03:21 PM
scallion5 scallion5 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 156
I took a month long break at one point (usually see 2x/week) and my T thought it could be a good thing. It kind of was - and I think it will really depend on how one approaches it and particular circumstances. At the point I took my break, I had been stressed out and 'obsessing' about therapy - most sessions left me hurting or had me feeling guilty for being a real witch to T.

Pros that I experienced:
- had more time for 'real life' people and made plans
- got 2-4 extra hours back, used them for self-care activities
- saved up the $ I would've spent (almost a grand over a month!)
- was able to regain some 'distance' and untangle some of the transference so it wasn't *quite* so painful/blinding
- gave T a break and I think he needed it, though I doubt he'd admit that
- T made sure to tell me I could 'check in' via email AND that he'd see me whenever I wanted to come back, even if it was sooner (I did end up checking in around once a week, kind of to see if he was still there...)

Cons
- I kind of used the break as a way to "test" T and see if he'd object/want to "keep me" (this was a black/white thinking kind of thing) and it kind of hurt to have him say a break could be good
- It made me INCREDIBLY anxious about going back, like I was supposed to go back and be "better" and not so *****y and everything would be fixed - felt a lot of pressure
- We spent the next six months 'processing' wtf went on with the break and how it made me feel (so like, it interrupts stuff)
- I had lots of "fun" imagining that he was going to replace me or that he was having a grand time with someone else in "my" time slot (ugh!)
- I was angry that it had come down to a break and kind of still am sometimes

All in all, if you feel like what's getting in the way is transference and that everything your T does is to hurt you - a break might help you get some space to breathe and maybe the transference will dissolve a little. It did for me. I came to see how I was seeing him and how I was also contributing to the issues.

However, just be aware that a break can be hard in itself if you have any abandonment issues or are trying to "get rid of" the unpleasant parts of therapy. For me, it echoed a pattern of trying to just "handle thing myself" or hide. I wonder if we had processed my anger if it might have been healthier for me.

So, long ramble - but if you feel angry, I would suggest that you try to process that first. As you pointed out to me an hour or two ago - do you want a break, or do you want to "get back" at him for some of those comments and show him that it's "just business" for you too?