Hi newgirl, welcome to psychcentral!

I'm so sorry things are so rough right now. But there's always hope. It sounds and seems like you are motivated and willing to care for yourself. You can get through this time and thrive in life, I'm sure of it.

I just read a book which I enjoyed which you might also get something out of, if you haven't read it already. It's called An Unquiet Mind by Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison. It details her life with Bipolar, including her struggle with school (she was also in medical school) and accepting her diagnosis. She went through a great deal of adversity and is now a highly respected expert in her field. It's a beautifully written book.

I hope this is of some small help. Don't give up!