Hi geez, really well written!!!
It can seem like nothing's ever going to change, like you've got no real control over what happens, or you just haven't the energy/effort left to make any sort of a difference if there would be any point in trying anyway. And it's real hard, but you know even if you can only make real small changes for yourself, in what's going on around you, in your environment, in day-to-day things.........the more of those you can make.........well over time they can build up.
I certainly aren't saying "it's all as easy/simple as that" (!!!) but maybe with some real help/support.......in time..........
Just........you deserve much more than to be feeling like you are.........and if we can help you just a little with/through that...........if you want to talk a bit more about what's going on for you/in your life, right now............

Alison