"I don't let myself dwell on suicidal thoughts as much, I focus on hearing my breathing, or just on my brain or my bodies lack of emotional will. I wonder if this is how a sick cat feels when they just go die instead of fighting for life?"

This definitely makes sense, helps me to understand better your perspective. This is a very hard thing to do when you are chocking. I am horrible at escaping my mind. I am going to try to soak in what you are saying. I had therapies but learned few techniques from them (and I cannot currently afford a therapist as only my husband works) and what I have learned I struggle to put into practice, it seems fear overrules reason most of the time.