Quote:
Originally Posted by cashart10
"I don't let myself dwell on suicidal thoughts as much, I focus on hearing my breathing, or just on my brain or my bodies lack of emotional will. I wonder if this is how a sick cat feels when they just go die instead of fighting for life?"
This definitely makes sense, helps me to understand better your perspective. This is a very hard thing to do when you are chocking. I am horrible at escaping my mind. I am going to try to soak in what you are saying. I had therapies but learned few techniques from them (and I cannot currently afford a therapist as only my husband works) and what I have learned I struggle to put into practice, it seems fear overrules reason most of the time.
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Yes, fear does over rule. I honestly think its all tied into a low will to live. By switching my focus from suicide to imagining an animal (the human animal me) in having a low will to live, it helps me calm down a part of my mind that is scared of this craziness, focus on the heart rate, the breathing,just the simple act of existing against my will til I have a moment where I might get 1 little zing of energy, then I go do some little thing, then lay back down again and restart the process as needed. I don't get this bad every time, but when I am having a hard time being alive, I attribute it not to wanting to be dead, but to my bodies inability to fight for life.