Please, if you can think of better words for me to describe what I mean, please share them and don't fear correcting me. I had wanted to be dead for over 20 years, waiting for my youngest kid to turn 18 so I could - only to get the good meds, therapy, and husband to make me want to live. For the first time in my life - I want to live. But I still get depressed, this is why I learned to re-evaluate what depression is and look at it from this stand point. Its not that I want to die, its that my body was made with a low live level.