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Old Jan 02, 2015, 06:17 PM
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Petra5ed Petra5ed is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: Pugare
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scallion5 View Post
I took a month long break at one point (usually see 2x/week) and my T thought it could be a good thing. It kind of was - and I think it will really depend on how one approaches it and particular circumstances. At the point I took my break, I had been stressed out and 'obsessing' about therapy - most sessions left me hurting or had me feeling guilty for being a real witch to T.

Pros that I experienced:
- had more time for 'real life' people and made plans
- got 2-4 extra hours back, used them for self-care activities
- saved up the $ I would've spent (almost a grand over a month!)
- was able to regain some 'distance' and untangle some of the transference so it wasn't *quite* so painful/blinding
- gave T a break and I think he needed it, though I doubt he'd admit that
- T made sure to tell me I could 'check in' via email AND that he'd see me whenever I wanted to come back, even if it was sooner (I did end up checking in around once a week, kind of to see if he was still there...)

Cons
- I kind of used the break as a way to "test" T and see if he'd object/want to "keep me" (this was a black/white thinking kind of thing) and it kind of hurt to have him say a break could be good
- It made me INCREDIBLY anxious about going back, like I was supposed to go back and be "better" and not so *****y and everything would be fixed - felt a lot of pressure
- We spent the next six months 'processing' wtf went on with the break and how it made me feel (so like, it interrupts stuff)
- I had lots of "fun" imagining that he was going to replace me or that he was having a grand time with someone else in "my" time slot (ugh!)
- I was angry that it had come down to a break and kind of still am sometimes

All in all, if you feel like what's getting in the way is transference and that everything your T does is to hurt you - a break might help you get some space to breathe and maybe the transference will dissolve a little. It did for me. I came to see how I was seeing him and how I was also contributing to the issues.

However, just be aware that a break can be hard in itself if you have any abandonment issues or are trying to "get rid of" the unpleasant parts of therapy. For me, it echoed a pattern of trying to just "handle thing myself" or hide. I wonder if we had processed my anger if it might have been healthier for me.

So, long ramble - but if you feel angry, I would suggest that you try to process that first. As you pointed out to me an hour or two ago - do you want a break, or do you want to "get back" at him for some of those comments and show him that it's "just business" for you too?
Scallion, thanks for breaking it down for me. I think our experiences might be similar, not sure. I especially liked your last line, LOL, yeah I think I do want to get back at him in anger a bit. I don't like being this vulnerable and feeling like someone is rubbing it in my face that I don't mean that much to them. I do have abandonment issues, and I wonder if he wont fire me when I try to come back. Maybe part of it is a test. I have the feeling he doesn't want to see me anymore, so this might be my way of seeing how he responds. Of course, he didn't try to talk me out of it.