Hello all! Thanks for asking about me!!! I do miss hearing from you but I was feeling so anxious about therapy that I wondered if reading about all the troubles folks have was feeding my own insecurities. Also I'm so busy I thought I might do better to be more focused and not spend so much time on the board. I'm still doing my 60 hours of work + full time college + raising my daughter + volunteering + managing the household + holidays. But I graduate mid-year so I'm looking forward to transitioning to a slightly less rigorous schedule.

I've found myself calmer about therapy since taking a break from the board so I think I needed to, and I'm not so tied up with hearing about things I couldn't change. That was a bit of a challenge for me, to get invested in everyone and yet not be able to do more than type them a message, especially given all the contradictory and sometimes discordant responses here. (Latent control freak impulse.)

I hope everyone is doing well and that 2015 is your best year yet.

My therapy is going well. In two months, I'll have been seeing my T for two years. We have a very close bond, she is my good enough mother and I'm grateful to have found her. Right now I'm trimming down to 90 minutes of sessions a week plus a multi-day email. I consistently met my goal of cutting my therapy cost/time down by 50% in the last quarter of 2014, and now I'm cutting again, another 25% to better manage my finances.

My goal for 2015 is balance: to get more sleep, less calories, better work, less hours of it, parent mindfully, and find time for all the meaningful things in my life- more and better relationships, time to be creative and impulsive, and maybe even turn my neglected garden back into somewhere I'd like to spend time, haha. Something had to give with all my other commitments and my poor garden was it. Though mother nature still gave me the birds and trees out my window to enjoy!

In therapy, we're focusing on the here and now mostly, but I think I'm about ready for a final pass through my adolescence, those awkward, sometimes excruciating years where my PTSD really kicked in. Goodness knows, I'll be glad to be through them. We've already talked at length about the worst of the abuse though, so fortunately, I guess, I'm worried more about keeping my balance than about her reactions. I'm surprised how much courage it takes to wander through my own past sometimes, but that, no doubt, is because I'm old and miserly, having traded some of the bravery of my youth for the comforts of the stable married life.

At any rate, I love my therapist, am comforted knowing she'd see me gratis if needed, and still struggle a bit with the whole therapy journey but seem to have gotten over the worst of the turbulence. I'm reminded of Sweepy and her copilot analogy, hope you're doing well! My best to everyone!!!