It sounds to me like you may have some serious self-esteem issues and maybe some depression going on. Have you talked to the family doctor about these feelings? If not then I suggest that you make an appt. Your doctor can prescribe some meds that will help you feel a bit better. Have you discussed adoption with your husband. there are many beautiful children who really need a loving parents in a forever home. You sound like a beautiful woman who just needs to change directions a bit. Life is all about choices so make some new choices and change your life sweetie!