Update. As of the 1st I moved out and am on my own in a little 2 bedroom house. She called my first night away and was crying, and reminded me of all the good times we had together... The totally "us" moments that no one else could have. Because we are weird together, you know? I have got an attorney and having papers drawn up for divorce. I a hesitant to serve them because I know it will crush her.

She had some separation papers drawn up but I refuse to sign them, I'd rather just serve her and get it over with. But now I have my doubts. Is it ever easy?

It seems up to the end we would have 1 good day, and 1 bad one. Or good the first half, and by the evening we were just at each others throats only to apologize before bed. It's a crazy cycle. I don't want to hurt her but I feel this may be the best course of action.

A case in point of her behavior that is still going on was that we separated for both holidays thanksgiving and Xmas and during Xmas I offered to take her to lunch (the following day) as she was passing through the city I was in. She said that would be great. So she texts me about 10:30 am saying "I will be there at noon and have to pick up (one of her students she cares for because he has no family) by 1 pm so you need to meet me for lunch and DON'T BE LATE!" Of course I thought, whoa, here I was walking on eggshells already going on a limb to even have lunch with my hard to contend with wife, and now she's telling me it has to be her way. I told her to forget it and she went looking for me all around the city at places I'd be. She finally gave up and left town. She didnt call for a few days and when we both got back she said I ruined her Xmas by standing her up and being a jerk. I told her I was busy then, she never considered my schedule, I was helping My mom with things around the house. She says, "if uou truly loved me you would have dropped everything and put me first." I got wise and said "if you truly loved ME, you would have considered my schedule first". To that she replied I was beig a jerk and I don't even have a schedule.