Hello, most of you wont know me on here as I don't normally post on here

I have struggled with continuous suicidal thoughts for a long time....for about 4 years....the only reason i haven't gone fully though with it is because of my faith but now i am struggling to hold on....i guess i just need someone to tell and talk to, i dont have anyone in real life

recently a friend of my who i also considered my mother left me, i don't even know why and she will not speak to me anymore.... my own mother was emotionally abusive and at time physically abusive....i wanted a mother so much (note im quite young)....i considered this friend my mother and she considered me her Daughter but now she does not want to talk to me ever again ....
i am so upset ive been continuously crying for days...which is not like me at all


I have selective mutism...so i cant struggle to talk to people in real life....i dont have any close freinds who i can talk to about how i feel....

i am at my wits ends....... i dont really have any friends or family, i am all alone....okay o have a family but they are abusive towards me

i cant seem to make any friends so i always alone, i dont like other people very much either....i was always bullied....im probably afraid of other people....i got exams this week which i will fail

i dont know what to do anymore.....i hhave lost my closest friend whom i also considered as my mother.....so it was like i lost my mother.....and i am devastated