Oh Red75!

I saw how you felt about going back on the "dear T" thread. I didn't realize it was about csa stuff.

That's what made me feel like I was so digusting that people wouldn't want to be around. I felt like if people knew about me that they'd want to run away, like they didn't want to be contaminated. Like I could hurt them just by being close to them.

I think Ts must know about how to deal with these feelings from people and fortunately, all ts I've worked with knew to take it real slow. Some let me sit until I was ready to talk about how I felt. Now that I look back, I think all the ts I told already suspected what I would eventually tell them.

I'm so sorry. I know it's hard. But, it wasn't your fault and your t is honored to work with someone as brave as you. I think that's part of why they decide they want to go into their line of work... they get to work with amazing people.