I talked with my T today, who thankfully, is a man, bec. I need male energy to balance my life right now. As was suggested I should herein. Somehow the secrets about why I feel so bad about who I am didn't seem so awful once they were spoken outloud.

He said things I've heard before -- What happened with these men is *their* baggage, not yours. Don't make it yours.

Second, that I had a right to feel very angry with Paul (of course, there's a back story about how I stuck with him when times were hard for him that I haven't posted here). But it's true as well that I have to get rid of it bec. it hurts me, not him.

He suggested allowing myself to feel the anger and to know that it is justified, and to write about it, for weeks if necessary, and then burn what I've written to release it. He said we could try some role playing in the future about it.

Getting rid of anger is as mysterious as gaining confidence. Where do these emotions come from? Where do they go after we release them? It is all such a mystery.