You must leave.

Its so easy to slip into an abusive relationship if that type of life style is all you have ever known.

My mother was abusive (emotionally) I was ridiculed, criticized and shamed. I married to get away from home and escape my narcissistic 'parents.'
I had no self esteem and NO idea of how a normal relationship should work, to be treated like s##t WAS my normal. I'd been taught by mother that I was such a pathetic specimen no one would ever want me, that left me insecure and very vulnerable to abuse, after all it was all I deserved, right?

I was married to this horror for 22 years, 22 fecking miserable years. I wanted to leave but had no support and no where to go, there was no internet in those days.

Ya know what? If the internet had been there I and I'd had the means to talk to others and get knowledge, good advice and realize that in fact my life did NOT have to be about being a verbal punch bag. And that I was indeed being abused, I truly believe with that guidance and support I would have left him 15 years earlier.

My divorce was one of the best things I have ever done, for the first time I felt happy free of bullies

So please please please leave. Do not get into another relationship until you have worked on your self esteem. Learn to look for Red Flags, all those signs people like you and I miss or make excuses for.
I am now in a relationship, he is nice to me, caring, thoughtful, respectful, normal! I am still amazed how polite he is. He doesn't tell me how 'useless and pathetic' I am he tells me I'm great. Yeah me little ol' me GREAT how about that!

With higher self esteem you will automatically expect to be treated well. Walk tall, hold your head high, look people in the eye. Think all the time I am special. I am enough, I am always enough.

Do not do as I did, I wasted so much time.
You have strength I can tell that, you have not cut for a year. Well done!

Leave, you can do it you don't need him. Be good to yourself you deserve good things x