I've been with this guy for 4 years. We have been engaged for 2 years. At first he wanted to push the wedding date back. I was fine with that because I realized I wasn't ready to get married either. Recently he broke off the engagement entirely telling me he was probably never going to get married. I went along with it because I figured when we were both ready it would happen. Then a few months after that he told me he wanted to get a place of his own.

For almost 2 years we have been living with my parents. When we first got together he was living in an apartment by himself. He got evicted because of personal issues so he moved. I basically moved in with him, only going home 2 nights a week. That was an agreement with my parents so they would pay for my college. During the summer I lived with him full time. He had to move out of that place because the landlord refused to fix anything and it was too cold in the winter. At that time he was in the middle of a job loss so he had no place else to go. My parents told him that he would need to be out once it warmed up and he found a stable job.

He found a job but never moved out. He was always saying he needed this or needed that and would never save any money. He also never looked for another place to live.

Anyway, back to the present now. After he told me he wanted a place of his own to "find himself again". I told him I wanted a place of my own too. I've never lived on my own. I've always lived with my parents. I figured I wouldn't start looking until he found a place. 2 months went by and he still wasn't saving any money or looking for places. My parents on the other hand were looking for places for me. They knew about us getting separate places. They found a place that I liked so I put in my application.

When I told him about it he seemed surprised. He blames me for pushing us apart. He doesn't seem to remember the conversation he started months ago about this. We have talked and talked about it and he has opened up a lot more then he did when our relationship wasn't in pieces.

He told me that he doesn't trust me and has never trusted me. He said he probably wouldn't ever trust me because I am a women. He feels like me wanting to be on my own (but still with him) means I don't love him any more. I have lost count how many times I have told him that I do love him. He said that he thinks I'm gonna have men come over all the time and what not. I am not a cheater though and I would never do that.

He has cheated on me though. He wrote notes to another women talking about how much he wanted her and ect. I forgave him for that and I have been able to trust him. So I don't understand why he can't trust me. I have never done anything like that and I've never given him a reason to think I have.

I don't know how to handle this situation. I love him, but I feel like these last 4 years have served only for me to care for him. He never showed me the love I wanted him to show me, even when I flat out asked for it. I have nearly always felt that he doesn't care about things that I care about. He hates my family (and we are really tight-knit) and he makes fun of my religion. I love him, but I don't know if I can handle any longer without his trust. He doesn't believe we can work living apart but I disagree. I believe it will give us time to get to know each other again, away from my family's roof and it will give us time to know ourselves again.

I just need some advice from a 3rd party who doesn't know either of us. Should I feel guilty for moving out when it was something I wanted to do for myself? I'm afraid to lose him, but I'm afraid to be with someone for the rest of my life that doesn't return the love and the trust I give him.