Do you see a psychologist or counselor that you could talk to, if not I think it would be very beneficial for you. Not only to help you sort through things but to have someone to talk to in your life and help guide you is so important when we feel so alone. We all need help in one way or another and when we don't have people in our lives we feel safe to talk to a good counselor is in invaluable. Hang in there, it will get better day by day. You can do this!