I have no experiences with having anxiety from meds, but what you described sounds awful and I hope you are able to figure something out to help you feel better! I'm not really sure how to go about changing this with traditional psychology or psychiatry, but as a behaviorist I will try to help with what I do know.

Behaviorally, if you do something that you really enjoy and then immediately after doing it you take a pill, you will start to associate the positive emotions with the pill. You currently have a negative association with taking medication because of your past experiences, which is absolutely understandable, so I think that reversing that and replacing it with better, less anxious feelings would be a first step in allowing you to feel better about taking medications that might help you! It would definitely have to be a slow change, because negative associations are picked up quickly while positive ones are acquired on more of a gradual time frame.

If you'd like tips or instructions on how to start this process, figure out rewards to use, more strategies on reducing anxiety, etc., please feel free to reply or message me and I would be glad to help to the best of my ability!