I think you are feeling close to her and you like it but it scares you.
I understand
I hope you will reconsider going back. This is the time when it's important to hang in. I have a deal with myself that is similar: when I feel the most like quitting, I will stop and recognize that it's the time I need it the most.
I'm so sorry you're hurting and it's scary. ((( hugs )))
But it has potential for being better. Better than lonely and sad and scary.

ECHOES