Hi brokenentity, you are not a horrible person!!!
And you are without a doubt, worth caring for yourself!!!
Maybe just start with really small things you can do for yourself or feel about yourself??
It sounds like other people aren't really helping the way you're feeling right now though............it can be hard enough without all the comments, right? But if anyone makes a comment or if you are faced with some of that "light hearted ribbing" maybe you could let them know that it's a problem for you?? That way they can maybe appreciate the way you're feeling a little more?? And maybe offer some support??
Still if company is a little too much for you right now, maybe you could go do something on your own, even if it's just a short walk somewhere for now?? Something a little active??
And the friend who is upset about you not answering calls.............do you think you could tell him that you've got enough on right now but could you catch up (a day) next week?? It might give you a bit of "breathing space" something to aim for in catching up with him.......
The other guy.......I wouldn't say he was a friend if he treated you like that.......so nothing wrong with turning your back on him now and especially as he seems to be triggering things from the past. You owe him nothing.
But regardless, do you think it might help trying to work through some of the things from your past?? With a professional or on here?? Just if you think it might help.
Still at least you know that you can escape the judgmental people on here, hey??
We care.........and again........you are not a horrible person!!!
Alison