I've had this experience. I've had extended, painful experiences on and getting off certain medications, mainly antidepressants, but even given those experiences, I've tried medications again. I wouldn't really say I'm afraid as much as I understand what reactions I have had to it and how it makes me feel, which at least in the case of antidepressants, isn't something I like. I should add though that now I'm taking a mood stabilizer, which I'm more willing to take because I'm not yet certain that this type of medication get me where I want to be.

I have things that I fear and things that I want, and I guess medication-wise, it's a weighing of what I hope will best support me in these endeavors. I can't know what is best before it happens, but I still have hope that maybe some other medication will help.