I think I'll share my opinions on the subject, but keep in mind I don't have much experience. Probably about the same as you, but based on what I've read on here, my experience seems to be somewhat unique.

First of all, I think a relationship is only going to be successful if the emotional intimacy is there because at some point, there will be problems with the physical intimacy, whether someone's sex drive drops off or someone develops a dysfunction. If you're relationship is just about the physical side, how are you going to work through that issue?

How did I come to that conclusion? Because my relationship is pretty much perfect except for the sex. Of course, I've never enjoyed sex and he was the first I even liked kissing and could see myself enjoying sex with someday (basically I can't imagine sex with anyone else would be any better). Along with not being able to imagine sex being any better with anyone without extensive sex therapy, our emotional intimacy is really good and we're very close and that's why I don't care if sex doesn't "work" at this moment.

He knew from the beginning that I used to self-harm and I had pretty bad anxiety. He's seen me when I've been very depressed. While this could have driven him away (the depression episode almost pushed him to that point until we went to a therapist together), it's actually made him comfortable talking about whatever he needs to talk about. I think a lot of people appreciate an open and honest person…I think it makes them feel safe to be open and honest themselves.

And really, if you want a long-term partner, you can't hide yourself. I have a feeling that that may have been the main reason your first relationship was unsuccessful. I mean, how can someone love someone they don't know? I don't think it comes down to simply "loving yourself" and improving yourself if you don't let the guy actually get to know you. And that means all the less savory parts of you as well.

I don't necessarily think you need to be as open as me and divulge everything immediately like I did because that's my personality and it may not be yours. But you can't just hide everything indefinitely either. I know I tend to hide feelings sometimes myself, but I always end up talking about it and it always seems to make our relationship stronger and better, not worse.

Also, I don't think pursuing anyone is necessary. In my opinion, if you're right for each other, there isn't even much of a pursuit, it just happens. I was like you; I was never going to approach a guy again as they thought I was so "creepy" in pursuing them. The way I ended up with my boyfriend was that I simply told him that my friends that I usually watched football with were in another state and asked if he wanted to watch football with me. And the rest just happened. Basically, hang out with a guy in groups/in public for a little while and then suggest an idea that gets the two of you alone and things will happen if they're meant to happen.

I also agree with not being just friends with someone and then dating them. If you were ever meant to be more than friends, then it'll be physically impossible to remain just friends when you're alone together (if you get my drift). I think you need to focus on becoming friends with them as you're dating. If that means you only go so far sexually in the beginning in order to focus on the emotional intimacy, then so be it. Although, it may actually be impossible to do that if it's anything like my experience with my boyfriend. Like I've said, sex doesn't quite work for us right now, but despite that, we can't be alone without having sex. Like your first relationship, sex probably happened too early for us as well and I also lost my virginity with him. My point is, I think it's entirely possible to just be going about in life and just randomly meeting someone that clicks with you on every level and then the relationship just seems to work (note that it's still not easy, but it shouldn't be difficult either). I think just getting out and going to meet ups and stuff should help in your situation. And the difficult part is the letting go and just letting stuff happen without making a huge effort in finding a partner (as that just seems to lead to trying to put a round peg into a square hole).