For me, the hope that I will get awarded ssdi is the only positive in my life that has kept me alive for the last almost 2 years. To be honest, a warm death chill climbs up my spine every time I think about getting denied as I await my hearing. I am convinced I will be denied, and I see a horrible outcome from my reaction following a denial. I've already told my therapist I will desperately need him when that time arises. I want to hope for the best, but preparing for the worst.

The folks making the decisions just need to watch the news on tv regularly for a month, and they will see just how hard mental illness affects our actions. I'm just praying that when they deny me, I don't wind up on tv with the police's help and use one of my alternative methods.