Ugh, all the time. :s

I started having mood swings when I was eleven, but they were more gradual. During the summer I would get very sad and upset, lose interest in things and always feel tired and depressed, and after three months passed I'd be okay again. Every year it happened though, the more it intensified, until now where I fluctuate a lot until something happens and I have a cycle where I'll go from extremely energetic to aggressively angry to unbearably sad in the matter of two hours.

Since I was eleven, too, have I just felt extremely empty, and I'd question myself all the time about it in eighth grade, and it was almost a complete identity crisis because I sincerely did not know who I was and still do not because I change so much for other people. And because I change so much, I have a strange relationship with most people, where I won't consider them friends because I'm scared of getting hurt but as soon as they don't give me the attention I want I get hurt and then I panic.

That being said, I feel abandoned on a weekly basis, so I self harm sometimes and threaten suicide to get the attention I want, and because of it I've driven people away and I know people hate me because I'm a manipulative, needy, terrible person. I just can't get calm unless I have three people paying attention to me. If I have friends who won't give me what I want, I always assume they don't care about me and I get angry and upset.

So yes, I feel abandoned.