I'm actually having a bad day today. I am feeling very alone. I have a few people who really care about me but only my mom and dad really understand what I am feeling right now and there is nothing they can do about it. My friends are kind of upset because they think I am ignoring them. I don't know how to explain what I am going through.

I don't like it when people touch me, i don't hug my friends, it feels awkward to me, but right now I need to be held, not only that I want to be kissed and cherished and do the same in return.

I have horrid luck with online dating sites, the first time I tried one it matched me with my brother, whose profile was all lies. After I separated from my husband the site I was on matched me with him, I had no idea how bad his cheating really had been. Then a friend of mine convinced me to try the site she found her boyfriend on, I got a response from a guy who thought I was his guy friend dressed in drag.

Then there is the esteem problem, I look at someone who shows interest in me and am immediately turned off by the voice in the back of my head that says "Why would you want to be with someone who wants you?"

Don't get me wrong, I'm still all about living my life with gusto and all, I even started writing a novel I had in mind. I just don't want to be alone anymore.