What is wrong with wanting to be alone?
It sounds like you don't want an intimate relationship, you like being alone
With the exception the alcohol, you take care of ourself
Is it because being alone is a societal no-no?
Is the hole that you feel there because of the pressure you are putting on yourself?

If it is people-feel (need to be around another human), volunteer, take a class, teach a class, take swimming lessons...etc.

I am not being mean, please don't think that.
I love being alone, and wished that I knew that before I was in four divorces... and maybe another on the way

I am sending peace and warm hugs