hi doxiedust
you are not over reacting. most women leave seven to eight times before they leave for good. you are stuck in the cycle of abuse. have you ever talked to a domestic violence advocate or gone to domestic violence counseling? learning more about the cycle of violence may help you understand what you are going thru. you are not describing anything unique that so many abused woman before you havent done. i grew up as you did. i married a bad man. i got out of that. then i was with another abusive man for twelve years. i didnt think i deserved better. i realized one of the things that kept me there was this belief that if i could get this guy to love and accept me, if i could be good enough for him, if i could be perfect enough so he stopped yelling at me and telling me how messed up i was, then that would somehow make up for my dad abusing me. i realize now how sick that is. nothing is ever going to fix that. nothing is wrong with me and i dont need a man to make me ok. i am ok. i can take care of me. have some faith in you. he has no right to treat you that way. take care of you and your child.