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ECHOES said:
sunny, how are you feeling about having to "share" your T with your husband?

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It's been OK and has not been a problem! This is one thing that really worried me back some time ago when there was no way I was going to bring my husband to couples therapy with me. As my T had said to me, "some people don't tolerate it well," and I had practically interrupted him to respond, "I would not tolerate it well!" lol. Back then, I felt intensely but I guess unstably attached to T, and I would feel this wave of jealousy stir when I even considered bringing my husband in to see T for couples. Plus, I felt the marriage stuff is so d**m painful and it's one thing to have learned to share that pain with T, but I didn't want to share it with my husband, no way. I didn't know how I could be in the same room with these two guys and my different ways of "being" with them and be expected to work on this problem. I truly felt like the room might explode if we all came together, like a matter/anti-matter explosion. Then as time passed I became even closer to T, if possible, and something happened in our therapy and we moved to a new level of trust (and we'd had pretty good trust before), and I just was able to say let's do this. I just trusted him so much to be able to help. And I trusted the strength of our bond so much that I knew it would hold no matter who else was in the room. I was not going to be jealous of my husband and T, because I knew no matter what went on between them, my bond with T would not be altered or diminished or broken. I just had such strong faith in our bond. T and I definitely did talk about this potential problem more than once. I remember once telling him very earnestly, looking him in the eyes and reassuring him, "we can handle this, don't worry." I think it pleased him immensely to hear me express my profound faith in our bond. Just drew us closer, big imaginary hug, so real you could feel it. And now that the couples sessions are happening, sharing my T with my husband has not been a problem. I feel no jealousy at all. I like seeing T talk to and work with my husband. I like seeing him "in action" with someone else, working on forging a bond. I like seeing what he does with the both of us and how he guides the session. He's great with couples. My big problem with the couples therapy is the speed at which things are happening and my inability/unwillingness to move forward so quickly. I need more time to process on my own and talk things through with my husband.